Manage Your Bullies Well: blog

Manage Your Bullies Well

NOTE FROM JIM

How well do you navigate bullying and toxic behavior, be it from managers, subordinates, colleagues, clients, board directors, investors, or from those in your personal life? Yes, those emotional manipulators. You’ve had a few of them in your life, no?

Do you let them loose your composure or take you by surprise? How have you responded? What best to do?

Each of us is responsible for our own behavior regardless of circumstance. There will always be others around us who don't. Don't take their behavior personally. It's really not about what you did or said, especially if your behavior was well intentioned.

Mark Goulston, M.D., F.A.P.A. is a business psychiatrist, executive consultant, keynote speaker and co-founder of Heartfelt Leadership. I encourage you to learn from the wisdom of his most recent HBR post.

The excerpts below aim to tickle your curiosity. Access the full article to ensure that you can master Mark's advice!

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How to Deal with a Toxic Client - HBR

by Mark Goulston

EXCERPTS

... Then take a deep breath, look them straight in their left eye (which is attached to their right emotional brain), pause until they realize they haven't provoked you into losing your cool (even if they say something else to insult you) and then select one of the following replies:

• "Say that again?"
• "Do you really believe what you just said?"
• "Huh?" (as in, "Excuse me")
• "What was that all about?" (said the way a big brother or big sister might say with an almost affectionate, playful tone of incredulity)
• Or one of my favorites: "Excuse me, I apologize, but my mind wandered over the past few minutes, can you please repeat what you just said?"

... Take a preemptive approach [with these bullies and toxic personalities] "Going forward, in the event I have to tell you about a bump and obstacle or setback, what is the best way to tell you?" They probably haven't been asked before, and may have never given it any thought. If they're not sure what to say, you can continue with something like: "My other clients have told me such things as, don't do it by email; don't tell me on a Friday; when you tell me, tell me what happened, your understanding of it, the implications of it, what options we have and why those, what solutions you'd suggest and why those, and what you need from me to make the best of it and get it back on the rails. What works for you?"

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Access Full Article And Other Great Stuff: http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2013/04/how_to_deal_with_a_toxic_clien.html?referral=00563&cm_mmc=email-_-newsletter-_-daily_alert-_-alert_date&utm_source=newsletter_daily_alert&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=alert_date