What can you do about emotional manipulators?
Note From Jim:
Do you have an emotional manipulator in your midst? Be calm. Don’t fall pray to their tactics. They can be verbally abusive, cunning, insulting, and ready to make you feel guilty. They typically work you over slowly, training you over time to act on their will. Do you know how to deal with them tactfully, calmly, and to hold them accountable?
Access Joyce Russell’s article appearing in the Washington Post (link below). Joyce is vice dean and the director of the Executive Coaching and Leadership Development Program at the University of Maryland’s Robert H. Smith School of Business.
Read the full article. To tickle your interest, see excerpts Of Joyce’s tips below.
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Dealing with manipulators at work
By Joyce E. A. Russell
Washington Post
Excerpts
Are they manipulators? Bullies? Possibly both.
Psychological or emotional manipulation involves using underhanded, deceptive and abusive techniques. The manipulative co-worker has mastered the art of aggression disguised as helpfulness, good intentions or working for the good of the firm. They are great at hiding their own motives, while making others look uncooperative, incompetent or self-centered.
What can you do about emotional manipulators?
- Be aware of the tactics they use
- share your thoughts about what the person is doing [validate your observations with others]
- Be on your guard at all times when around a manipulator
- Trust your gut when dealing with an emotional manipulator
- Don’t let them guilt trip you. If they try this (“You don’t care about all the work I am doing for you.”), you could turn it back on them (“I do care, and now it seems like you don’t appreciate how much I care”).
- Check or verify what they say with the original sources
- Be clear and specific about outcomes. Often, they may act like they are willing to do anything. If this is the case, then hold them accountable.
- Document any manipulation. Look for trends (with certain colleagues or situations). Keep a log of what was said because they often will say one thing and then later assure you that they never said it.
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Joyce E. A. Russell is the vice dean and the director of the Executive Coaching and Leadership Development Program at the University of Maryland’s Robert H. Smith School of Business.
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